Clean Up Your Room!

A homeschool friend of mine recently asked if I thought it was unrealistic for her to expect her sons to clean up their own room.  Conflicting advice she previously had received was:

"It's their room.  Let them keep it how they like,"

and

"It's your house.  Make them keep it how you like."

Oy.  Here was my advice:

Yes, you have the right to expect them to clean up their room.
No, you're not being unrealistic.

That being said...

"THEIR" ROOM:

When I was little, my mother was haranguing me (again) about cleaning up my room.  "You'll clean up the stables, but you won't clean up your room.  Well, this is my house!" she railed, incensed.  "And this room is just as much my room as it is your room!  So clean it up!!!"

Whoa.

Obviously, the comment stuck.  And I resented it.

However...

Inside, I knew my room really WAS just MY room.  And while the comment ticked me off at the time, often it's not what you say, but how you say it.  My father basically told me the same thing, with a calmness and an eye toward taking care of the gifts God had given us.  I cleaned up my room, albeit imperfectly I'm sure, but with a MUCH better attitude.

Today, I greatly appreciate the habits (both mental and physical) that BOTH my parents formed in me to TAKE GOOD CARE OF WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.  He who prizes little things is worthy of great ones!

HOW TO?

"But, how do you make them DO it!?"

My friend's boys' room sounds similar to mine: three boys; their beds; and one dresser, desk, LEGO table, and closet.  My personal "secret" to success in their cleaning up (this is just what works for us) is that everything HAS a place.  Every.  Thing.  Every single item they own BELONGS somewhere, whether it's "shirts in the top drawer, pants in the bottom drawer" or a labeled bin.  So, when I demand "clean up," there's no question of, "Well, I don't know where this goes!"

Another big help is their "clothing basket."  All my kids have a clothing basket beside or at the foot of their beds (no bigger than an elbow basket, at most!).  If today's worn clothes aren't clean, but also aren't hideously filthy and can be played in tomorrow, then they dump 'em in the clothing basket when they strip for pajamas at night (and this is where their pajamas usually also reside -- same rule).  Sometimes, the clothing basket DOES pile up, but at least it's ONE little pile that's quickly conquered.

I don't demand a "vacuum ready" room daily.  I do demand each night a clear path and space to play, especially if we've recently done a thorough cleaning up (say, for company).  It's easier to encourage a two-minute "quick-clean" at bedtime (because that's when I'm in there and see it), then to turn a blind eye for a week and then "Go Vesuvius!" when it's degenerated into heaps of bio-hazardous conditions.

However...

There have been two occasions where I DID "Go Vesuvius!", in a deadly calm sort of way.  (It was great!)  I coined the phrase, "If it's on the floor, it's out the door, and to the poor!"  

For a WEEK thereafter, ANYTHING left on the floor at night after they went to bed (e.g. - clothes, LEGOs, favorite dinosaur, etc.) was GONE the next morning.  GONE!  I picked it all up in the dark with a flashlight and (unbeknownst to them) put it in a solid, black, lawn trash bag in the garage.  It only took a day or two for a vital item to be missed!  Waaaaaah!  Church pants, bath towels, underwear, LEGOs -- they all disappeared, ostensibly dropped off at the Thrift Shop donation shed.

Gone.

Point made.

(Caveat:  Items that I deemed TRULY necessary, I either surreptitiously assimilated back into their drawers OR gave them an eye to eye lecture before restoring it about NEVER letting this happen again.  )

I have no magic wand nor standard practice that ALWAYS works.  But, "a place for everything" and a nightly daily "quick-clean" (usually two minutes or less, with my helping the littler ones [now just our youngest, age 5] while I chirp how quick and easy this is!).

Hang in there!!!  Your kids all WILL turn out great, including a fine sense of responsibility in caring for the gifts God has given them, because YOU will have taught them that.

A wise friend of mine once said that if you're not a mean mom, you're not doing it right.  Tally ho! 

FOR YOU:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (II Corinthians 4:17)

FOR THEM:

"His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!' " (Matthew 25:21)

"Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor." (Proverbs 12:24)

Just Get a Brick

Here in Savannah, it's just referred to as, "The Book."  John Berendt's well-written, reality-based novel, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, is set in Savannah in 1981 and based on an actual murder.  The Book, arguably, put gracious, picturesque, historic Savannah back on the map as a popular tourist destination.

(And it certainly made the sale of stone girl lawn ornaments sky-rocket!)

The dust jacket describes the book as, "a hugely entertaining and deliciously perverse travelogue...as bracing and intoxicating as half a dozen mint juleps!"

To me, its romantic setting -- the picturesque, moss-draped oaks and cool, verdant, green squares of downtown Savannah -- is punctuated by John Berendt's pithy, observant narrative of the people involved in some of the seedier aspects of the city's life, the grit beneath the apparently genteel and generous skirts of upper crust, gracious, Southern Belle Savannah.

Beyond the sordid tale, however, I came away with one very important lesson:

How To Clean a Toilet.

In the book, the main character recounts the entire story in first person, told from the perspective of his being a newly arrived resident of Savannah.  As he attempts to clean up his crumbling apartment, the toilet, apparently, is beyond hope, its bowl encrusted irreparably with the local famously stubborn hard water deposits.

"What you need is a brick!" a local Savannahian tells him.

...what?

A brick.  He should scrub the toilet bowl with a brick.  Yes, an actual, run-'o-the-mill, ordinary, red, building brick (although in Savannah, the bricks are a tan color called "Savannah Gray").  A brick, it is explained, is harder than the hard water deposits, yet softer than the porcelain.

Really?

Yes, really!  It works!

Last week, I decided I was willing to sacrifice the possible permanent marring of one of our lesser-used toilets to experiment on the veracity of this advice (imagine the possibilities if it actually worked!).  I used a plain ole red brick (we had exactly one, discarded in the back yard; I smashed it to get a smaller piece) to scrub the inner bowl of the toilet, which previously had been utterly uncleanable (...is that a word?).

And it worked!!!  It actually worked!

Here are my before, during, and after pictures to prove it to you.  Feel free to borrow this tactic and run with it.  ...just make sure you don't flush your bit of brick down the toilet.  THAT would be a whole 'nother kettle 'o fish...

Happy Cleaning!

BEFORE

BEFORE

...DURING...

...DURING...

AFTER!

On Laundry

The achievement of laundry depends upon WHEN you want it accomplished.  When I asked this exact same question of our homeschool group (72 families), these are the leading answers I received:

1).  WEEKLY - All dirty laundry gets sorted (e.g. - whites vs. darks) into the appropriate laundry cart or receptacle as it is discarded by the user, so it is ready to toss in the Magical Washing Machine on Laundry Day.  The loads then are run endlessly in the background on Laundry Day, say Wednesday (or whichever day), every week by whomever is available at that moment or a different assigned kid each week.  (Hint: Use timers so you don't loose track of loads being accomplished!)  Then, the NEXT day, the entire family gathers for one hour in the family room, the parents' bedroom, or wherever to dump ALL the clean laundry, sort, fold, and put it all away.  Voila!

BENEFIT:  "Laundry doesn't rule our lives.  Every.  Single.  Day.  It's only once a week and we actually talk and laugh a lot doing it together."

2).  DAILY - All dirty laundry (regardless of color .... let's be honest, it IS just mostly kid clothes) gets tossed directly into The Magical Washing Machine at bedtime at night.  In the morning, the washer and dryer are run by an assigned kid per day before and after breakfast.  After school, the assigned kid removes, sorts, folds, and puts away everyone's laundry.  Since this is done daily, it's only just one load.  (You also could have each person retrieve his or her own folded laundry and put it away.)

BENEFIT: "Laundry doesn't become a huge, looming 'To Do' mountain.  Once the kids get used to this pattern, it really is a quick and easy task.  The littlest ones apprentice and 'help' whichever older kid has been assigned to the task that day."

3).  LAUNDRY NIRVANA - Each child is assigned a day that is his or her Laundry Day.  That is the day on which s/he has the machines completely to his or herself to launder clothing.  If you snooze, you lose.  Feel free to barter with your siblings.  (This mom had seven kids, so each kid had the same day each week.  She also didn't implement this with each kid until the child reached second grade, so she still had the littlest ones help her do theirs.)

BENEFIT:  "The kids are doing their own laundry!  Helloooo!?  Ta-da!!!"

The Virtues of Minimalism

I doubt anyone who's ever been to my house would describe me as a minimalist.  Ever.  As a matter of fact, the opposite is true.  I seem to be a bit of a, um, an accumulator, shall we say?  Almost zealously an organized string-saver.  And a sentimental one, at that.  Talented, however.  "A functional hoarder," my husband maintains.  I decorate with most of it and justify the rest by organizing it into well-labeled boxes and bins.

But, after our recent move over 700 miles with two full size moving trucks, I'm sure my dear husband wishes I weren't so attached to...things.  And quite so many of them.

In some ways, so do I.

Oh, I'm not ready to part with my great uncle's paintings or my late father's favorite shoes yet.  But now, after experiencing first hand the effort it takes to MOVE one's belongings, I have a much greater appreciation for my husband's utter and nearly complete detachment from...things.  Items.  Stuff.  Belongings.

Baggage.  Literally.

(No, I'm not kidding.  I have two sets of luggage and haven't traveled in years.)

It seems that at no prior time in human history has there been a society wherein its individuals were such colossal collectors of clutter!  And I am one of them.  It's a byproduct of America's staggering general wealth, compared with the rest of the known world.  Just look around.  Look around your own home and see the piles -- literally small heaps huddled about -- of papers, books, clothing, toys, pillows, shoes, etc.

So, perhaps it's time to pare down.  A bit.  But, how does one purge?  Where on earth does one start!?  Especially when faced with numerous colossal heaps like mine?

Well, as a dear friend of mine likes to say, "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time."

Amidst the overwhelming avalanche of, "Clear Out The Clutter!" advice out there (which, personally, just makes my brain feel even more cluttered), I found a very quick, simple link (Pinterest, baby!) to a list of, "20 Things You Can Get Rid of Without Even Missing."

http://www.ticoandtina.com/20-things-can-get-rid-without-even-missing/#_a5y_p=2579245

The list is simple, divided up by rooms, only two or three sentences per item.  No calendars.  No arduous 40-day schedules.  No household colonoscopy preparations.  No goals to feel guilty about, because you fell short.

And if you're not sure whether or not to purge something, try my personal tactic of putting the item(s) in a black garbage bag in the garage for six months.  Tape a slip of paper on the bag with today's date.  If, in six months, you haven't fetched back or needed the item(s) (or even remember what's in that bag!), then tell yourself it's time to let the contents of that bag bless someone else's life and throw it in the front seat of your car to donate it quickly to your nearest charity or thrift shop.

Believe me, you'll be amazed and thrilled with the fresh air, new space, and light that literally will swirl through your heart and your home when you clear out even just a few things that you truly don't need.

Either that, or your kids are gonna have one helluva yard sale when you're gone.  Don't worry, I won't be there though.  I've already been told I'm grounded.  Forever.

See you at the church thrift shop drop off!

Creating a Monastery at Home

Here is a fabulous (brief and easy!) article from CatholicSistas.com on, "Creating a Monastery in Your {Catholic} Homeschool in 10 Steps." 

http://www.catholicsistas.com/2013/11/07/creating-monastery-catholic-homeschool-10-steps/

Enjoy!

Kitchen Tip

Anyone who knows me knows I am a simpleton in the kitchen, so the littlest tip is a whole new learning experience to me!  Here's the latest:

If you're soaking a pot or other dish to clean off food that's encrusted on it, fill the pot with the hottest water and then set a timer for five minutes.  The timer will remind you to come back and rinse off the dish at the optimal time, without allowing the water to grow cold and the dirt to congeal and make the mess even worse.  (Thank you, Laura B., for this tip!)

Voila!  Quick, cheap, and easy!  And just in time for the holidays.

Enjoy!

99 Ways To Make Your Life Easier

This one is self-explanatory and just too good not to share:

http://dedalvs.tumblr.com/post/48998678919/99-life-hacks-to-make-your-life-easier

Enjoy!

How to Declutter, Little by Little

There are millions of blogs, checklists, and advice columns out there to help you declutter and organize your household to the n’th degree.  Some people, however, are not natural organizers and are completely overwhelmed at the thought of using a highly detailed three page checklist to tackle what might look to them like prime candidacy for an appearance on television’s “Hoarders!”

If you’ve never pared down before and simply don’t know where to begin, here is a low impact start for  beginners, from a wonderful friend in one of my homeschool support groups (thank you, Karen C.!):

Supplies Needed:

Masking tape

Sharpie marker

Your personal calendar

Two large, black garbage bags (this is important, so you can't see inside)

Directions:

1. Using the masking tape and sharpie, label the garbage bags “Bag #1” and “Bag #2”.
2. Spend a brief 15-20 minutes each day decluttering in the room of your choice.  Pick the smallest room, or the worst room to make a dent in it, or the least cluttered room to finish up quickly, or the room in which you spend the most time each day, etc.  Regardless, set a timer so you don't become overwhelmed, tired, or discouraged.  If you want to make an afternoon project out of this, still set a timer so you at least have a measureable, achieveable timeframe with an end in sight.
3. As you declutter, tell yourself you're not saying, “Goodbye,” to these items. You’re only setting them aside for a short time to see if you really need them, or if you'll really miss them if they're donated.
4. Place the items in one of the two bags as follows:Bag #1 – “I liked using you, Nice Item, but I haven’t used you in a while and I’m not sure I need you anymore.  You might be needed more by another person who doesn’t have the means to buy you.”

Bag #2 – “I really, really liked using/reading/wearing you, but you’ve just been sitting around for a while and someone else might need you more."

5. When a bag is full, get another piece of masking tape and label it with the date you finished filling it.  Place the bag in your garage, basement, or other out-of-the-way place.
6. Mark your calendar, “Donate Bag #1” or “Donate Bag #2” six months from the date on the bag.
7. Over the next six months, only remove an item from either bag if you think of it on your own and really want or need to use it.
8. When you reach “Donate Bag #_____” on your calendar, donate that bag with whatever is left in it.  Do not open the bag!  Say a prayer for those who will use these items.
9. Repeat the process as needed with Bags #3,4,5, etc., with new dates on the bags and on the calendar. Feel free to adjust this system to fit your needs.
   

Gentleness and Patience are Fruits of the Holy Spirit, so be gentle and patient with yourself, especially if you’re not used to decluttering!  If you need some help, call in the cavalry -- ask a friend who always seems so organized or whose house always seems neat as a pin if she'll help you for a day!

Make her lunch and it's a party!

A Place for Everything and Everything in Place

I am compulsive.  There.  See?  I said it.  Yes, I readily admit that my life is almost completely ruled by habits which include, but are not limited to, lists and the insistence on the proverbial, "a place for everything, and everything in its place."  Without a list, my poor wee brain is lost.  And it drives me positively nuts to waste precious time hunting for something that should be right there.

Earlier this year, I literally and figuratively swept my arm across my teacher-desk and our computer-desk and cleared them off.  The resulting mountain of paperwork then was spread across my kitchen table, where it took me the better part of a day to arrange and organize it into Piles To Conquer.

(Thankfully, the kids thought it was great fun to have a picnic on the floor for lunch that day.)

Each pile had a name, such as "Phone Calls" or "Mail" or "Reading" or "Ave Momma" (my rosary making mission), each of which I designated with a bright pink post-it note.  I even had a pile called, "Scarlett O'Hara" (because after all, tomorrow is another day) and "Rhett Butler" (because, frankly my dear, I don't give a.....well, you get the idea).  Once the piles were complete and the mountain of paperwork had been reduced to a molehill, I stacked it all up in a box and placed it next to my desk.  (Although I was not happy to discover that I hadn't thought ahead to write the titles on the post notes upside down, so they would stick up from the box legibly.  Note to self for next time!) 

Over the next several weeks, I plowed through each section of the box in order of priority.  And let me tell you, it was one of the most wonderful feelings of accomplishment I've ever had!

Sometimes, however, in homeschooling, child-rearing, or just plain life, we don't get such a tidy checklist or To Do pile, from which we proudly can mark off our achievements.  In fact, more often than not, life in general is so much more fluid and amorphous than that.

Wouldn't it be lovely if, at our birth, the Lord would hand us a checklist of all the things He means for us to accomplish in life, so we could have a clear path to know, love, and serve Him in this world, and thus be happy with Him forever in the next!?

But, that doesn't happen.

Instead, we're left to muddle along and, through both nature and nurture, figure it out for ourselves.  You know why?  Because every single one of us is equipped with a marvelously irritating quality called Free Will.  And it is because of free will that each of us not only ultimately is responsible for our own actions, but also for the effect our actions have on others.

Although the Lord already knows the outcome, He wants us to learn from our past and to live "in the moment", and thus make our decisions for ourselves, not follow a pre-written Guidebook For Your Predestination.

What does this mean for our relationship with Him?

It means that at every opportunity, every day, we have the option to turn toward Him or away from Him.  As children of God, we are loved by our Father -- by God Almighty! -- and He wants us to love Him in return.  But it is optional.  Our option.  A matter of choice in our free will.

Whoa.

What kind of a crazy parent is He!?  Wouldn't it be easier if He didn't just leave an idiot like me to my own devices, and instead pre-programed me for total obedience and brilliance?

Yes, it might be easier for Him...okay, a lot easier.  But it would be beneficial neither to my soul nor to our relationship.  It would not give me the opportunity to learn from my triumphs and mistakes, as well as the triumphs and mistakes of others, and make the free choice to turn toward the Lord, seek to discern His will for me, and love him FREELY in return.  How generous that is!  God risks being spurned by us mere mortals in the hope that, instead, we will love Him freely in return.

I mean, c'mon, would you really feel as well-loved if your parent, spouse, child, or friend was compelled to "love him/her or else!"?  It is precisely because of our freedom of choice that we are able to pursue the love of God wholly, completely, and fiercely -- or, you might say, with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Oh wait -- He already told us that!  (cf. Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 22:37)

So, the next time you are lamenting that everything is not in place, and that you certainly don't feel you are in a place that is close to God, do this:

Stop complaining.  Get up off your duff.  Dust off your free will.  Organize your life, even if you begin with just one simple aspect of it.  And listen to your Father's advice.  Beat a path to the tabernacle.  Turn to the God of love and ask His Son to embrace you and guide you in all that you do.

Because I guarantee you -- He will!

His arms already are outstretched -- for you!

Mom's a Superhero!

Recently, my husband's colleague shared a most charming moment in her story as a mother -- her son told her that a mother's apron was her superhero's cape!  Her apron!  Who knew!?

My husband, My Hero, God bless him, has never failed to buoy me up in my own role as the mother of his children.

"Ugh!"  I'll groan some days. "I didn't get anything done today!"

He'll look puzzled. "Yes, you did. You raised our children."

Some days, we can get so bogged down in what we perceive to be the necessary, yet utterly mundane, responsibilities of the day:

We must finish the laundry.
We must do school.
We must make dinner.
We must run errands.
We must clean the bathrooms.

And while these things are indeed important to efficiently run a bustling household, we sometimes can get frustrated with the seeming lack of real importance in these actions.  I mean, honestly, is anyone going to come into my house and nominate me for an Oscar because I have a sparkling commode?

"Maria!" they will say, with a breathless admiring gasp.  "Your toilets really shine!"

"Well, I'd like to thank the Academy...."

Um.  No.

But, it's in moments like these, when I'm stepping over littered toys, dragging a screaming toddler who's glued to my left calf, as I take out a trashcan full of diapers from having swabbed 1,479 rear ends that day, that my dear husband will turn on the computer and play Jamie O'Neal's "Somebody's Hero":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_uMQTw7v2g

For me.  Wow.  How very humbling.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta famously said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."  And Brother Lawrence said, "Our sanctification depends not on changing our works, but on doing that for Jesus's sake which commonly we do for our own."

(I've got that one right next to my kitchen sink, by the crucifix!)

It's on days like that and moments like these that I need to remember that not all of us are called to be stars on the world stage.  In fact, very few of us are.  In fact, most of us are mere groundlings ([ground-lings] noun  ....4. a member of a theater audience who sits in one of the cheaper seats).

A groundling.  I know I sure am.

But then, I also know Who made us.  God made us.  Why did God make us?  God made us to know, love, and serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in heaven.

Even the groundlings.

So don't "should" on yourself about all the seemingly mundane things you "must" do around your domain.

I should finish the laundry.
I should do school.
I should make dinner.
I should run errands.
I should clean the bathrooms.

Honestly!  Stop should-ing on yourself!  Instead, look upon these tasks as opportunities in service to Him.  And be open to accomplishing whatever He has in mind for you today, whether it's cleaning toilets or something else completely out of proverbial left field, that was not on your List Of Things To Do Today.

This morning, instead of accomplishing another row of math equations and washing the breakfast dishes, I played dollhouse with my five year old.  I couldn't remember the last time I had done that.  Isn't that sad?

And I was her hero for it!  For the rest of the day, she wanted to nest her tiny hand in mine or plant little fairy kisses on my cheek.

The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and even dinner, all can wait.  Go be some little person's hero, whether your little person is two or twenty-two.  Cuddle them or call them.

Because when your offspring finally accepts that Academy Award, the first human being s/he will thank is you!