"George Bailey Syndrome" for Parents

Remember the movie, It's a Wonderful Life! ?  Every year at Christmastime, I watch that movie.  I know it by heart, and yet I never tire of it and still love every minute of it.  And the older I get, I love it even more!

Why?

Because, as a parent, I think it's very easy for us to get, "George Bailey Syndrome."  And not just at Christmas.  We look like this.  We feel like this.  We look and feel like George Bailey.  Dr. Taylor Marshall articulates it well here:


http://taylormarshall.com/2014/01/the-george-bailey-syndrome-gbs-why-parents-get-discouraged-and-how-they-can-find-joy.html

By the end of the movie, however, I look and feel like this!  I look and feel like George Bailey again, this time infinitely more mindful of the mind-boggling blessing that God has given me in the form of my life.

Though my life has been easy, I'm not Pollyanna (...okay, close, but not completely).  Sometimes, life can be hard work.  And dirty.  And tiresome.  Watching this movie never fails to remind me, however, that each of us has a role in life, many roles in life, specific roles and jobs and tasks to fulfill, some of which we might not even be fully aware right now, and certainly not the ripple effects thereof.

Watching this movie reminds me that life is about people first, then things.

Watching this movie reminds me that, believing in each other, we can move mountains together, or at least whole families and towns.

Watching this movie reminds me that things can always be worse, so be grateful when they are better.

Watching this movie reminds me that there always is something more you can do for just one more person who comes into your life.

Watching this movie reminds me that faith is essential to our lives.

This last reminder is one of the most important.  Remember, to Whom does George cry out on the bridge?  To Whom does he appeal for a better life for himself, his family, and his friends?

Who made George?  God made him.

Why did God make him?

God made him (and you, and me, and everyone else) to know, love, and serve Him in this world and to be happy with Him forever in Heaven.

So, why hasn't George learned this by now?

He's certainly lived it.  George has spent his entire life (which he views as wasted, at the time) in service to others, whether it's his parents, his father's community-serving business, the townspeople, his wife Mary, or his children.  Despite his determination to gallivant around the globe in a self-serving gluttony of travel and indulgence, George spends every day of his life -- every, single, day -- in service to others in his little hometown of Bedford Falls.

And that, Charlie Brown, is what Christmas is all about.  (...oh, wait; that's for another post...)

Most of all, watching this movie reminds me that, ultimately, God always has our best interests in mind.  Always.  And that I've still got a lot to learn.

Meet Candy Carson

A dear friend recently sent me a copy of this article about Dr. Ben Carson's wife, Candy Carson.  I hadn't heard anything about Mrs. Carson in the media, and came away thinking what a positive, refreshing, and inspiring individual she is!

However, I recognized her immediately.  Through their work, both professionally and charitably, my parents made sure when we were growing up that their children were surrounded by women like Candy Carson.  Such so-called, "old-fashioned values," were what made our country great and gave Americans a steady, consistent moral compass.  In the recent words of Patrice Lewis at World Net Daily*, "[Men] make the living, then return home to the person who is making the living worthwhile."

As Mrs. Carson shows, many women, in addition to raising their families, also accomplish great things outside the home.  But, as she also clearly understands, the wife or mother is the heart of the home.  And America is the greatest nation on Earth for women to have the choice and resources to achieve their greatest potential, either at home or in any other area they so desire.

I firmly believe gratitude is the mother of many other virtues.  Candy Carson is grateful for the many ways in which God has blessed her life.  What a privilege it would be to have a woman of such graciousness, a man of such integrity, and a couple of such strong faith in the White House!

God Bless America, indeed!

P.S. - Bonus articles!  Here are a few other (brief!) gold nugget articles to introduce you to the person Dr. Ben Carson is, the person the media seldom will fully convey:

1).  Pediatric Neurosurgeon - Water on the Brain Surgery

2).  Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story

3).  Quick Facts About Ben Carson
4).   Ben Carson's Official Website

The Mass and Homeschooling

Here's a quick, encouraging, spiritual shot in the arm to inspire both our attendance at Mass and our vocation as homeschool families!

http://www.setonmagazine.com/latest-articles/mass-homeschooling-the-homily-for-seton-homeschool-graduation-2015

Thank you, Father Seamus O'Kielty!

Prayer and Self-Care

(The following is excerpted from a post entitled, "In God's Time," by Michele Quigley over at Elizabeth Foss's blog, "In the Heart of My Home.")

You must pray. Daily and if at all possible, first thing. It can be tempting to allow the busyness and distractions of life to encroach on your time alone with God and I know it can sometimes feel like you are just too busy for a regular prayer time. The truth is, the busier you are the more you need it.

Mothers in particular can struggle with this. It feels selfish to take that time alone with God but taking time to nourish your relationship with God isn't selfishness, it's self-care and there a very big difference. By nature we are self-focused beings and that isn't an accident. While it has been distorted by sin, it is actually intended for our good and properly focused can be a path to growing in holiness. "Love your neighbor as yourself" assumes that we will love ourselves.

Not in an egotistical way but in the way that God does. Desiring the highest and best good for us, that of union with Him and eternal life. That is self-care.

Selfishness and vanity on the other hand eat away at the soul. They can never be satisfied and they leave us wanting more of the same all the while becoming angry and bitter about what we do not have and cannot do. Self-care, being in relationship with God and nourishing that relationship as the primary one in our lives, fills us with love and overflows into our lives. We want more yes but we want God and we want others to know Him too. It inspires our actions and thinking and helps us to live as children of the light.

You can't give what you don't have. Oh sure, you can serve others for a time while ignoring your interior life but eventually you will burn out. All the saints knew this, they knew how important it was to nourish their interior life and it was only through grace that they were able to do all the things they did --that they were able to love so much. Certainly our Lord Himself set the example for us in this, taking to time to pray in solitude regularly.

(Excerpted from a post entitled, "In God's Time," by Michele Quigley over at Elizabeth Foss's blog, "In the Heart of My Home.")
 

The Total Sacrifice of Mothers

Having a tough day, Mom?  Then this one's for YOU!

“I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.”  (Romans 12:1)

 

"The most important person on earth is a Mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral—a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body. The angels have not been blessed with such a grace… What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother?"  (Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty)

Okay.  So, maybe it's not, "glorious," EVERY day.  Especially not on the days wherein you're ready to tear your hair out, if one...more...person...wails your name...for the forty-eleventh time!

"Maaaaah-ahm!?"

Argghhh!!!

Deep breaths.  Hang in there.

Today might seem like an eternity, but this time with your little ones WILL be fleeting.  You WILL miss this.  And if you so much as blink, you might well miss it altogether.

Take some time for yourself ( ! ).  (Hahahaha!  I know.  What a funny idea!)  Don't be shy about asking a friend or a relative to come babysit the kids for an hour, an afternoon, or an overnight. No, really.  Whatever you need.

Do it.

Not because you have something to do.  But, because YOU, as a mom, need some time to do nothing.

You need some time to completely unwind and recharge, without a single soul requiring that you change a diaper, fill a sippy cup, make a sandwich, fix a toy, clean up [fill in repulsive bodily discharge here], check homework, find a lost favorite shirt, or load everyone into the van and drive somewhere.  Again.

Do it.

Get away.

I mean it.

You are not selfish.  No machine can run without fuel.  That includes you.  And your fuel is not just physical nourishment, whatever the kids left on their plates, or a sip of tea while you wash dishes at the kitchen sink.  As mothers and as women of Catholic faith, we all counsel each other to, "take care of you," but we seldom do it ourselves.

Do it.

Get away.

I mean it.

You will be a healthier mother for having replenished the stores from which you give, and give, and give.  And you and your children will love and enjoy and appreciate each other that much more! 

Do it today!

Catholic Conference 4 Moms - Last Chance to Sign Up!

Remember seeing in the pet store those little plastic terrariums with the hamster racing, panting, on his itsy, bitsy, endlessly, rapidly spinning wheel?  Ever feel like that?

Yeah.  Me, too.

This Lent, treat yourself to some spiritual refreshment, rest, and renewal!  Here is your opportunity to attend a free, online, Catholic, moms conference next month:


http://www.catholicconference4moms.com/

You'll receive a daily e-mail for each of the four days, with links to the speakers for that day.  You may listen to the speakers at any time that day -- before the kids are up, on lunch break, after school, or even after the kids are in bed.

And it's FREE!

That's it!

You pick the speakers.  You pick when to listen to them!  There will even be three prize packages awarded every day of the conference.  You may peek at the prizes here:

http://www.catholicconference4moms.com/prizes.html


At the end of the conference, if you missed anyone or just want to share a great talk with a friend, you may purchase the entire conference on audio for just $39.99.  And if you use the coupon code, "RosaryWraps," (with no spaces) you will receive a $10.00 discount, so the entire conference is only $29.99!

But, for the initial airing, this entire conference is FREE for YOU!

Give it some thought.  Give it your time.  Give it to another mom friend.  Because as moms, YOU are worth it!

Catholic Online Conference for Moms - FREE!

Remember seeing in the pet store those little plastic terrariums with the hamster racing, panting, on his itsy, bitsy, endlessly, rapidly spinning wheel?  Ever feel like that?

Yeah.  Me, too.

This Lent, treat yourself to a shot in the arm of well-earned spiritual adrenaline!  Here is your opportunity to attend a free, online, Catholic, moms conference next month:


http://www.catholicconference4moms.com/

You'll receive a daily e-mail for each of the four days, with links to the speakers for that day.  You may listen to the speakers at any time that day -- before the kids are up, on lunch break, after school, or even after the kids are in bed.

And it's FREE!

That's it!

You pick the speakers.  You pick when to listen to them!  At the end of the conference, if you missed anyone or just want to share a great talk with a friend, you may purchase the entire conference on audio for just $40.00.  But, for this initial airing, the entire conference is FREE for YOU!

Give it some thought.  Give it your time.  Give it to another mom friend.  Because as moms, YOU are worth it!

On Subtlety and Grace

"Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made." (Genesis 3:1)


And here's how Old Scratch does it in my world:

".....the idea that somehow this is all pointless. I think one way that the devil distracts and dissuades mothers of many, who came to mothering with the best intentions, is to suggest to them that their wide-eyed optimism and extraordinary openness to life was really a very silly propostition. He teases them with the apparent 'failures' of their mothering experiences, the ungrateful children who hurl ugly words, the stumbling sinfulness of every day life. He taunts them with the little ones yet to raise and undermines every last shred of confidence. And he says, 'don't you think you better look for something more? Clearly, this magnum opus isn't turning out so great.'  "  (Elizabeth Foss, "In the Heart of My Home", blog post 11/05/12)

Wow!  Was Elizabeth at MY house today!?  How did she know this?  Well, she probably could hear us.  Because in my house, we don't have the Richter Scale.  We have the Screech Scale.  And the more frustrated Momma is, the higher the register on the Screech Scale.

Thankfully for us all, Elizabeth addresses conversely, with grace and gratitude, the vocation of being "A Servant Mother"  in this post:

http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2012/11/a-servant-mother-31-days-to-remember-the-mission-resumes.html

I must remember that God's purpose for me as a mother is not to mold into Perfect People the precious children He has placed on loan to me, but rather to give those children the unending and unconditional love that encourages them to blossom into the perfectly unique people God already knows they have the potential to be.

Oh -- and before you think I can just stand idly by and calmly watch it all unfold, like magic sparkles in a Disney cartoon, let me assure you of this.  I am well aware that I still have to wipe hineys, correct manners, dispense hugs, referee arguments, grade papers, and make semi-palatable dinners.

But that's not the mission.  The mission is to seek God's Will.  And then get out of His way.

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (III John 1:4)
 

Birds of a Feather

You know, I'm not a real "group therapy" kinda gal.  But in this regard, I'll make an exception:  if you are a Catholic homeschooling mother, find yourself a support group.  I mean a good support group.  Christian is good; Catholic is best.  Find a group of like-minded Catholic homeschooling moms who are loyal to the Magisterium of the Church and share the same moral values and goals you do for raising children.

Together, you and these families will supply each other with spiritual cousins and the best possible peers you can find.  You will find that a good support group can be incredibly uplifting and very affirming in your vocation as a Catholic homeschooling mother.

For example, I wish you could have heard our discussion on the playground last week at soccer:

"Believe me," one mother snorted.  "I would NOT be doing this if God hadn't told me to do it."

Another nodded in agreement.  "Yeah," she said.  "I mean, do you think I do this for FUN!?"

(...*agreeable laughter*...)

Now, that might SOUND very negative, but if you were there you also would have seen the wry smiles of understanding and the humorous, loving glint in the eyes of mothers who (essentially) lay down their lives for their children EVERY DAY.  A scientist.  A lawyer.  A fund raising executive.  A real estate agent.  A teacher.  Each of them readily could enjoy a life of gainful employment and luxurious material perks with her additional income.

Instead, these mothers teach several different grade levels of school and make hundreds of anonymous sacrifices daily so that their children intimately may know, love, and serve God in this world and be happy with Him forever in heaven.  After all, isn't that what it's all about?

(...please, do not start singing "The Hokey Pokey" here...)

Kathy, you were right -- this DID wind up on my blog, because the inspiration of fellow soldiers in the trenches was too good not to share!  The remembrance (and laughter!) of that single conversation already has buoyed me up on several occasions.

I hope it inspires anyone reading this also to know that, despite what our culture, the media, and the entertainment industry might tell you, you are NOT alone out there.

Ultimately, however, while the company you keep is important in life, in the final estimation it is up to you.

You.

As our parish priest once wisely pointed out, Judas kept the best of company, and look what happened to him. 

The Gift of Humility

This week, another homeschooling mom showed inspiring humility by sharing with me (...okay, "venting!") some of her frustrations that day.  It seemed everything she had spent the past two decades teaching her children had flown directly out the window!  The laundry was mountainous; the kitchen was a sticky mess; and school work that day was most characterized by inattention.

Go figure!

Now, I will have you know that this mother is widely regarded as a "Super Mom" around here, so you know where I'm going with this:

"Whew!  Thank God!  It's not just me!"

It's never easy to have a "bad day" with our children, and on the most elemental level I think we moms actually are consoled by shared conversations that include the selfish relief of, "Whew!  It's not just me!"  When we see "Super Moms" who really DO have their act together in so many ways and for so many years, their "bad day" here or there gives the rest of us the encouragement of knowing that, even for the most talented mothers among us, not every day is perfect, even in homeschooling.


Now, I'm not encouraging you here to go out and gripe gloomily and endlessly about your vocation as a stay-at-homeschooling-mom (or whatever your parental situation is), which actually is quite a privilege.  I am, however, encouraging you not only to be a good listener to your mom-friends when they need to vent, but also to welcome the shared support of reciprocity in that regard.  Allow yourself to share your frustrations or perceived failures with a trusted confidant who shares similar moral and family goals, and I'd be willing to bet you both will end your conversation by feeling the relief of released anxiety.

Lift each other up in prayer and be renewed in your commitment to the gift of the lifestyle that God has given you and your family!

It is a gift of humility for us to step out from behind The Polite Facade we all wear to face the public.  Share that gift with a dear friend who can help you reorient your focus back to being on your knees, not in frustrated defeat, but in the triumph of grateful supplication and prayer.

As I like to say:  "In homeschooling, not every day will be perfect, but every day will be blessed."

So, the years might fly by, but if today feels like an eternity, think about what God might be wanting you to learn today -- and perhaps it's not geography, math, nor algebra.

Plus, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, don't worry about it too much.  Because, "after all, tomorrow is another day!"

You Only Get One Shot At Being Your Kid's Mom

I've struggled for a long time with how to articulate the importance of investing oneself FULLY as a mother during the years when our children are home with us.

It's exhausting.
It's rewarding.
It's frustrating.
It's exhilerating.

It's a vocation.

It's the most important thing you EVER will do in your life, with your life.  And Sarah Mae expresses this more eloquently than I ever could!

Read and be challenged.
Read and be inspired.
Read and be renewed in your vocation as a mom!

And be assured that my prayers are with you!

Here's the link:


http://sarahmae.com/2012/08/sometimes-we-are-failing/

What Mothers Do

Encouragement for Mothers

Enjoy some spiritual encouragement for mothers over at http://sarahmae.com/category/motherhood/!

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

I popped in an old VHS video tape for our son this evening, when what to my wondering eyes should appear?  Some vulgar words and gestures!  I exclaimed, "Oh, dear!"

The preview deemed fit for "general audiences" (read: Rated G) wasn't blatantly blasphemous per se.  But it was disturbing.  Within the first five seconds (a mere FIVE seconds!) of this advertisement for a children's cartoon movie, there was darkly ominous, threatening background music, a roaring Godzilla monster throwing a temper tantrum, a dog lifting it's leg to pee on a wall, and a child aiming his posterior end toward the camera, scratching his hind parts vigorously while exclaiming, "I gots a wedgie!"

(*sigh*)

And people wonder why I preview and pre-approve (or not) my children's screen-based entertainment?

I don't deny that each of these images might be "art reflecting life" but, in reverse, is that kind of "life" a surprise if that is the "art" you supply for your children's consumption?  Ever heard the phrase, "garbage in, garbage out"?

Well, it's true.

If you feed your child nothing but candy, then (*surprise!*) s/he is going to get rotten teeth.  Therefore, if you feed your child visual and intellectual stimuli that are bereft of moral or cerebral edification, then don't be too shocked if your child's contributions to the world are limited to snickering, sophomoric behavior and, later in life, personal and professional decisions that reflect a crass inner depravity.

I'm not suggesting that filtering your child's screen-based entertainment will make him or her the perfect person.  But I am suggesting that careful monitoring (or perhaps even the same admirable, almost slavish devotion some parents give to the natural or organic quality of their child's food diet) will ensure that your child's heart, mind, and soul will receive nourishing material, inspiring him or her to lead a healthy life and achieve the greatest of heights in fulfilling their unique call to be the best person that God has envisioned him or her to be!

Someone I know recently praised the fact that her child frequently had his nose deep in comic books.  "Hey," she shrugged.  "At least he's reading!"

Really?  With that rationale, why not put Mein Kampf in front of him and let 'er rip!

Again.  This is not rocket science.  Garbage in.  Garbage out.

Instead, why not take out the garbage from your children's purview and provide them with activities, entertainment, and education that are enlightening to the soul and invigorating to the mind?  When making a decision about what you will or won't allow your child to visually or intellectually consume, always have before you these two quotes, from people far wiser than I ever will be:

1).  St. Dominic Savio was famous for asking at every turn, in every situation, "What has this to do with eternity?"  How will this benefit my eternal soul and the souls of those around me?  It's that simple.

2).  A local Catholic boys' school principal often is heard telling the fine young men who are his students, "Don't do anything that would break your mother's heart!"

Because remember Who made you?  God made you.  And why did God make you?  God made you to know, love, and serve Him in this world and be happy with Him forever in heaven in the next.

So the next time your child begs to be allowed to have, watch, or participate in something that is less than edifying to his or her soul, remember to pause a moment and consider the potential long-term effect on his or her future residency in heaven, even if it is a seemingly miniscule effect.  Neither you nor your child have to be perfect.  But you do have to be vigilant, especially in the cesspool that is today's world of instant communication and screen-based entertainment.

Oh and remember -- don't do anything that would break His mother's heart, either!

Mom's a Superhero!

Recently, my husband's colleague shared a most charming moment in her story as a mother -- her son told her that a mother's apron was her superhero's cape!  Her apron!  Who knew!?

My husband, My Hero, God bless him, has never failed to buoy me up in my own role as the mother of his children.

"Ugh!"  I'll groan some days. "I didn't get anything done today!"

He'll look puzzled. "Yes, you did. You raised our children."

Some days, we can get so bogged down in what we perceive to be the necessary, yet utterly mundane, responsibilities of the day:

We must finish the laundry.
We must do school.
We must make dinner.
We must run errands.
We must clean the bathrooms.

And while these things are indeed important to efficiently run a bustling household, we sometimes can get frustrated with the seeming lack of real importance in these actions.  I mean, honestly, is anyone going to come into my house and nominate me for an Oscar because I have a sparkling commode?

"Maria!" they will say, with a breathless admiring gasp.  "Your toilets really shine!"

"Well, I'd like to thank the Academy...."

Um.  No.

But, it's in moments like these, when I'm stepping over littered toys, dragging a screaming toddler who's glued to my left calf, as I take out a trashcan full of diapers from having swabbed 1,479 rear ends that day, that my dear husband will turn on the computer and play Jamie O'Neal's "Somebody's Hero":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_uMQTw7v2g

For me.  Wow.  How very humbling.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta famously said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."  And Brother Lawrence said, "Our sanctification depends not on changing our works, but on doing that for Jesus's sake which commonly we do for our own."

(I've got that one right next to my kitchen sink, by the crucifix!)

It's on days like that and moments like these that I need to remember that not all of us are called to be stars on the world stage.  In fact, very few of us are.  In fact, most of us are mere groundlings ([ground-lings] noun  ....4. a member of a theater audience who sits in one of the cheaper seats).

A groundling.  I know I sure am.

But then, I also know Who made us.  God made us.  Why did God make us?  God made us to know, love, and serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in heaven.

Even the groundlings.

So don't "should" on yourself about all the seemingly mundane things you "must" do around your domain.

I should finish the laundry.
I should do school.
I should make dinner.
I should run errands.
I should clean the bathrooms.

Honestly!  Stop should-ing on yourself!  Instead, look upon these tasks as opportunities in service to Him.  And be open to accomplishing whatever He has in mind for you today, whether it's cleaning toilets or something else completely out of proverbial left field, that was not on your List Of Things To Do Today.

This morning, instead of accomplishing another row of math equations and washing the breakfast dishes, I played dollhouse with my five year old.  I couldn't remember the last time I had done that.  Isn't that sad?

And I was her hero for it!  For the rest of the day, she wanted to nest her tiny hand in mine or plant little fairy kisses on my cheek.

The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and even dinner, all can wait.  Go be some little person's hero, whether your little person is two or twenty-two.  Cuddle them or call them.

Because when your offspring finally accepts that Academy Award, the first human being s/he will thank is you!