On Virtue for Young Girls

A dear friend recommended the following book for help in beginning to discuss feminine life changes with our daughters, without venturing too far beyond the current scope of what they initially "need to know":

http://generationsofvirtue.org/store/index.php/books-for-girls/beautifully-made.html

It is the first of a set of three books and is a very wholesome, simple pre-cursor to the more advanced topics found in the more commonly well-known "Passport to Purity" materials.  With future p.m.s.'ing and prom dates on the horizon, it's nice to have a resource to articulate the authentic beauty and integrity of God's design for women!

If anyone else has any recommendations to share, please feel free to do so in the comments.

Thank you!

On Dresses

"Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady."  (Edith Head)

Edith Head was an elegant and respected old Hollywood costume and clothing designer and the creator of Grace Kelly's wedding dress as Princess Grace of Monaco.

On Subtlety and Grace

"Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made." (Genesis 3:1)


And here's how Old Scratch does it in my world:

".....the idea that somehow this is all pointless. I think one way that the devil distracts and dissuades mothers of many, who came to mothering with the best intentions, is to suggest to them that their wide-eyed optimism and extraordinary openness to life was really a very silly propostition. He teases them with the apparent 'failures' of their mothering experiences, the ungrateful children who hurl ugly words, the stumbling sinfulness of every day life. He taunts them with the little ones yet to raise and undermines every last shred of confidence. And he says, 'don't you think you better look for something more? Clearly, this magnum opus isn't turning out so great.'  "  (Elizabeth Foss, "In the Heart of My Home", blog post 11/05/12)

Wow!  Was Elizabeth at MY house today!?  How did she know this?  Well, she probably could hear us.  Because in my house, we don't have the Richter Scale.  We have the Screech Scale.  And the more frustrated Momma is, the higher the register on the Screech Scale.

Thankfully for us all, Elizabeth addresses conversely, with grace and gratitude, the vocation of being "A Servant Mother"  in this post:

http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2012/11/a-servant-mother-31-days-to-remember-the-mission-resumes.html

I must remember that God's purpose for me as a mother is not to mold into Perfect People the precious children He has placed on loan to me, but rather to give those children the unending and unconditional love that encourages them to blossom into the perfectly unique people God already knows they have the potential to be.

Oh -- and before you think I can just stand idly by and calmly watch it all unfold, like magic sparkles in a Disney cartoon, let me assure you of this.  I am well aware that I still have to wipe hineys, correct manners, dispense hugs, referee arguments, grade papers, and make semi-palatable dinners.

But that's not the mission.  The mission is to seek God's Will.  And then get out of His way.

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (III John 1:4)
 

The Gift of Humility

This week, another homeschooling mom showed inspiring humility by sharing with me (...okay, "venting!") some of her frustrations that day.  It seemed everything she had spent the past two decades teaching her children had flown directly out the window!  The laundry was mountainous; the kitchen was a sticky mess; and school work that day was most characterized by inattention.

Go figure!

Now, I will have you know that this mother is widely regarded as a "Super Mom" around here, so you know where I'm going with this:

"Whew!  Thank God!  It's not just me!"

It's never easy to have a "bad day" with our children, and on the most elemental level I think we moms actually are consoled by shared conversations that include the selfish relief of, "Whew!  It's not just me!"  When we see "Super Moms" who really DO have their act together in so many ways and for so many years, their "bad day" here or there gives the rest of us the encouragement of knowing that, even for the most talented mothers among us, not every day is perfect, even in homeschooling.


Now, I'm not encouraging you here to go out and gripe gloomily and endlessly about your vocation as a stay-at-homeschooling-mom (or whatever your parental situation is), which actually is quite a privilege.  I am, however, encouraging you not only to be a good listener to your mom-friends when they need to vent, but also to welcome the shared support of reciprocity in that regard.  Allow yourself to share your frustrations or perceived failures with a trusted confidant who shares similar moral and family goals, and I'd be willing to bet you both will end your conversation by feeling the relief of released anxiety.

Lift each other up in prayer and be renewed in your commitment to the gift of the lifestyle that God has given you and your family!

It is a gift of humility for us to step out from behind The Polite Facade we all wear to face the public.  Share that gift with a dear friend who can help you reorient your focus back to being on your knees, not in frustrated defeat, but in the triumph of grateful supplication and prayer.

As I like to say:  "In homeschooling, not every day will be perfect, but every day will be blessed."

So, the years might fly by, but if today feels like an eternity, think about what God might be wanting you to learn today -- and perhaps it's not geography, math, nor algebra.

Plus, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, don't worry about it too much.  Because, "after all, tomorrow is another day!"

The Nuclear Melt Down

Hey, remember that bit I just wrote yesterday about gratitude?

Yeah.  Well.  It's didn't even last 24 hours around here.

And remember that bit I wrote about being on the warpath?  Well that did take off, and in rare form around here today.  Because, at last, it happened.

The Super Colossal Nuclear Melt Down.

It was priceless.  There was kicking, screaming, crying, yelling, sobbing, railing, and even the proverbial weeping and gnashing of teeth.  It wasn't pretty.

And that was just me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I never really had a total collapse like that.  Never.  In twelve years of poopy diapers and sleepless nights (yes, I realize a lot of you out there have several more years on me in this), this was my first, good ole-fashioned, knock-down, drag-out, blow it out your ear, heel-drumming, exhaustive, temper tantrum.  I literally was sitting on the floor gasping for breath by the time I was finished.

Afterward, there was a tiny part of me that physically felt great.  It actually was cathartic to release all the frustrations that had been fermenting inside me for who knows how long.

Mostly though.....it felt awful.  And, oh how embarrassing.

My first thought was how I surely had just scarred my kids for life.  My son found me, came up to me, knelt down, and gave me a hug.

"Are you okay, Mom?" he asked softly against my back.

I shook my head and turned to hug him fiercely.  "Oh honey," I whispered.  "I.  Am.  So.  Sorry!"

"For what?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

Ah.  I had hope.

I know you'll find this incredible, but we have seen temper tantrums from the Lilliputians in our house.  The only puzzlement to my son was what had caused this particular one.  And why me.

After mopping myself up, apologizing to my kids, and taking a few minutes to privately pray and review my actions, the most amazing thing happened.

I learned something.

And not just anything.

1).  I learned that I cannot be a disgruntled servant to my children.  I must raise, train, and shape their lives with joy, so they grow up as a people of joy.

2).  I learned that I cannot "do it all".  The world will not stop spinning on its axis if my To Do List, School List, Chore List, Thank You Notes List, Errand List, or any other threatening list remains unchecked at the end of the day.  I must focus on what God did want me to accomplish that day, however unplanned or small (e.g. - everyone got fed today, yippee!), and acknowledge His gift of my ability to do so.

3).  I learned that I still believe the value of excessive "Me Time" is a myth (more on that in an upcoming post).  I must focus on our whole family's simple well-being, which happily does include (notably without guilt) moments for my own prayer, eating, sleeping, and other mundane but nourishing endeavors.

4).  Most of all, I learned that, “Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” (II Chronicles 7:14)

I was never so utterly, totally, and completely humiliated and mortified in my entire life as I was to have had that temper tantrum before God.  In retrospect, it seemed to me just that -- a spoiled, pampered, unruly, ungrateful child's temper tantrum, drumming her heels about her perceived "problems."

But then I remembered that sometimes we do get overwhelmed with our responsibilities in life.  Everyone's cross at every moment is different.

And then I remembered something I learned earlier in life:  In times of trial, don't ask God, "Why me?"  Instead ask God, "What are You trying to teach me?"

And then I remembered that verse from second Chronicles.  Thankfully, God is a much more forgiving parent than we are!

Each of us specifically was created to know, love, and serve God in this world and to be happy with Him forever in heaven.  Regardless of the responsibilities, joys, trials, or endeavors He permits us in this life, He still wants us to be our best self and ultimately be with Him in heaven.  Even when we screw things up, if we humble ourselves and seek His face and turn from our self-centered ways, He will forgive us and help us restore what He created.

God accepts us as we are, but He doesn't expect us to stagnate and stay that way.  If we allow Him to do so, He will use our every endeavor, whether good or ill, proud or embarrassing, to help us grow and be lead ever closer to Him.

Thus, as they say, most of all I learned....that I still have a lot to learn!

On Gratitude

Sometimes we forget just how amazing our lives are!  We live in a time and place in history which enjoys the greatest physical wealth, technological advancement, creature comforts, and freedom of every kind that ever has been known to the human race in all of human history.

Wow!  I mean really.  WOW!

I thought of this today as I was loading my clothes washing machine.  "Wow," I thought.  "I put my filthy wrinkled clothes in this magic hole, add some pixie dust, press a button, leave and do something else for 45 minutes, aaaaaand.....*Ta-Da!*  My clothes all have been cleaned!"

Wow!

I thought of this as I filled all the kids' cups with fresh water from the faucet.  Running, cool, clear, free water.  I used to work for an organization that helped people in third world countries who had to walk as much as four miles, one way, to obtain potable water.  And that was just for whatever they could carry back home on their heads.

Not me.  I use the energy it takes to raise my little finger, aaaaaand..... *Ta-Da!*  Water (hot OR cold!) endlessly pours from this magic spring right inside my very own home!

Wow!

Okay, so you get the idea.

Sometimes, however, it's hard to maintain our sense of gratitude when the laundry (although we are grateful for its modern facilities) litters several rooms in small mountains, and seems positively endless.  And the kids (although we are grateful for the blessing that they are) are like a pack of piranhas, whose needs seem positively insatiable.

It's easy on days like this to get bogged down in the hectic pace and multiple responsibilities of our lives.  It's easy to forget the great comforts, privileges, and graces that we enjoy every day.  It's easy to grumble about it (in the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett) when "the doggies were a-yellin', the children were a-bitin'!"

It's easy to forget to be grateful.

I'm not suggesting that any of us can be a perpetual Pollyanna of gratitude.  (Just ask my kids -- I seem to have been on the warpath lately.)  However, just the fact that you REALIZE you should be grateful, is the beginning of an act of humility and gratitude.

The solution?

When your life or your schedule is an absolute whirlwind, which can be draining on anyone in any situation, take a moment -- just one, quiet moment -- to pray in your heart, several times throughout the day, a "thank you" for some of the most mundane things you have (e.g. - "Thank you, Lord, for running water in the house," "Thank you, Lord, for the freedom to practice our religion without fearing for our lives," "Thank you, Lord, that my adventurous son did not necessitate yet another trip to the emergency room today," etc.).

Pick anything!  You soon will find yourself well on your way to LIVING gratitude, and having a cushion of thanksgiving to fall back upon when things get hectic and tough!

The Buddy System - It's Not Just for Swimming Anymore!

Today we had the pleasure to visit with friends, a lovely Catholic homeschooling family whose children are wonderful role models for ours.  Respectful, polite, generous, and kind, their older teenage children (all boys) exemplified one of the virtues I frequently see among homeschooling families -- the older children not only tolerate the younger ones, but they genuinely welcome them warmly and are happy to be helpful (even with urchins like mine!).

Since this family's children are significantly older than ours, the family already has established usage rules for their kids' time on the computer, particularly on the internet.

Like us, their family computer is centrally located by the kitchen, making the wide screen within easy sight of anyone passing through the house.  (Not once did I see any of their five children in the all-too-common isolated posture of a teenager with head bent, shoulders slouched, and thumbs flying over a personal, hand-held, on-line device.)  Access to the internet is available only via a password, which is known only to the parents.

When a child wishes to use the computer, s/he not only must gain permission from a parent to do so, but also must have a "buddy" in tow.  This buddy becomes rather like a sibling Jiminy Cricket, a quiet shared conscience, whose mere presence gently reminds the internet user not to view nor contemplate anything their parents would not approve.

To some, this might sound excessive.  To us, it sounded brilliant!  And to their children, it was simple, easy, took two seconds, and was no big deal.

You know why?  I'll tell you why.

Because this lovely family had imbued in their children from birth what Catholics know is everyone's #1 Purpose In Life: to know, love, and serve God in this world and to be happy with Him forever in the next.  (Remember our quote from St. Dominic Savio about life -- "What has this to do with eternity?")

Their children didn't just know or understand this concept.  They didn't just live it when they were having a good day.  They breathed it.  They were as peaceful and confident about Who made them and why as they were about their own names or the fact that today is Saturday.

And that's why their buddy system worked.

No one minded.  Because they all knew that God didn't want just me to join Him in heaven.  Or only you to join Him in heaven.  He wants every child He created (which would be, um, everyone) to join Him in heaven.

Part of our salvation is the ultimate buddy system in action!

Hey -- it's not just for swimming anymore!

The Greatest Sin: Ingratitude

I think the greatest sin, the mother of all sins -- not in so much as its apparent severity, but rather the sin from which so many other sins are born -- is ingratitude.

Are you familiar with The Seven Cardinal Sins?  Colloquially, many people call them The Seven Deadly Sins.  And with good reason.

Can you name them?

Envy.
Gluttony.
Greed.
Lust.
Pride.
Sloth.
Wrath.

I believe each of these sins stems in some way from just one:  ingratitude.

ENVY:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then you envy what someone else has, because surely his or hers is better.

GLUTTONY:  If you are ungrateful for what you have, then the taste of it is insufficient to satisfy your cravings, which increase in direct proportion to the amount you stuff into your gaping maw.

GREED:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then it's never enough and you yearn avariciously for more.

LUST:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then your eyes and your thoughts wander over to what your libido tells you are greener pastures.

PRIDE:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then what you have not only is too little, but beneath you, because clearly you deserve not only more, but better.

SLOTH:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then you are unwilling to lift even a finger to improve it, because even though it's so awful, it's lulled you into a level of comfort which would be uncomfortably disturbed should you rouse yourself to effort.

WRATH:   If you are ungrateful for what you have, then you are stirred to wrath by the insufficiency, ineptitude, or injurious nature of those around you whose disruptions, demands, or delays apparently thwart your brilliantly laid out plan for your life.

See what I mean?  Deadly, aren't they?  And yet, not so far away for each of us.

But, fear not!  For behold, I have a solution.  Thankfully, the Catholic Church has gifted us with Seven Cardinal Virtues, which inversely correspond to these horrible vices.  Cultivate these and you'll be out of the woods in no time!

Are you ready?

Envy - Kindness
Gluttony - Temperance
Greed - Charity
Lust - Chastity
Pride - Humility
Sloth - Diligence
Wrath - Patience

Cultivate these virtues with due care, and you'll quickly be on the proverbial yellow brick road to sainthood!

Summertime Modesty in Church - Second Amendment

Wedding - St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church - Bensalem, PA

And you thought I was kidding about the staggering inappropriateness of some women's choice of garb at Mass?  Did I miss this one in the parish dresscode handbook!?

This snapshot was taken at a wedding at St. Charles Borrowmeo Catholic Church in Bensalem, PA.  The direct link is here: http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2012/02/21/strapless/

Be sure to scroll down and read the comments to at least reassure yourself that, while some Catholics might have lost all sense of propriety in their choice of garments at church, at least several have salvaged a sense of humor from it.

P.S. - My husband is among them.  He took one look at this photo and my blog post title and quipped, "What?  The right to bare arms!?"

Summertime Modesty in Church

It's summertime, ladies, and we women and girls have the luxury of choosing from a plethora of fashion options to enhance and highlight our natural beauty!

However, let's be mindful that all things bright and beautiful come from God, and that true beauty comes from within -- in Rome and Vatican City, tourists are turned away from some churches because of sleeveless, short, or revealing clothing.  But, here in the 'States, there seems to be a lesser regard for the sanctity of holy space and the Real Presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.

I mean, seriously -- do my husband and sons really need to see a girl's bare shoulders, her bra straps, and bare thighs in the pew right in front of them, when they're trying to look up and focus toward the Eucharist on the altar?

Ladies, if we women want our men -- your husband, your sons, your brothers -- to be chaste according to their station in life, we need to not lead them into temptation.  If you're clever and have good taste, you can look ravishing without being revealing.

(Plus, honestly girls, half that stuff actually only looks good on Heidi Klum anyway.)

Highlight your feminine mystique without giving it away!

Happy Summer!

Mom's a Superhero!

Recently, my husband's colleague shared a most charming moment in her story as a mother -- her son told her that a mother's apron was her superhero's cape!  Her apron!  Who knew!?

My husband, My Hero, God bless him, has never failed to buoy me up in my own role as the mother of his children.

"Ugh!"  I'll groan some days. "I didn't get anything done today!"

He'll look puzzled. "Yes, you did. You raised our children."

Some days, we can get so bogged down in what we perceive to be the necessary, yet utterly mundane, responsibilities of the day:

We must finish the laundry.
We must do school.
We must make dinner.
We must run errands.
We must clean the bathrooms.

And while these things are indeed important to efficiently run a bustling household, we sometimes can get frustrated with the seeming lack of real importance in these actions.  I mean, honestly, is anyone going to come into my house and nominate me for an Oscar because I have a sparkling commode?

"Maria!" they will say, with a breathless admiring gasp.  "Your toilets really shine!"

"Well, I'd like to thank the Academy...."

Um.  No.

But, it's in moments like these, when I'm stepping over littered toys, dragging a screaming toddler who's glued to my left calf, as I take out a trashcan full of diapers from having swabbed 1,479 rear ends that day, that my dear husband will turn on the computer and play Jamie O'Neal's "Somebody's Hero":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_uMQTw7v2g

For me.  Wow.  How very humbling.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta famously said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."  And Brother Lawrence said, "Our sanctification depends not on changing our works, but on doing that for Jesus's sake which commonly we do for our own."

(I've got that one right next to my kitchen sink, by the crucifix!)

It's on days like that and moments like these that I need to remember that not all of us are called to be stars on the world stage.  In fact, very few of us are.  In fact, most of us are mere groundlings ([ground-lings] noun  ....4. a member of a theater audience who sits in one of the cheaper seats).

A groundling.  I know I sure am.

But then, I also know Who made us.  God made us.  Why did God make us?  God made us to know, love, and serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in heaven.

Even the groundlings.

So don't "should" on yourself about all the seemingly mundane things you "must" do around your domain.

I should finish the laundry.
I should do school.
I should make dinner.
I should run errands.
I should clean the bathrooms.

Honestly!  Stop should-ing on yourself!  Instead, look upon these tasks as opportunities in service to Him.  And be open to accomplishing whatever He has in mind for you today, whether it's cleaning toilets or something else completely out of proverbial left field, that was not on your List Of Things To Do Today.

This morning, instead of accomplishing another row of math equations and washing the breakfast dishes, I played dollhouse with my five year old.  I couldn't remember the last time I had done that.  Isn't that sad?

And I was her hero for it!  For the rest of the day, she wanted to nest her tiny hand in mine or plant little fairy kisses on my cheek.

The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and even dinner, all can wait.  Go be some little person's hero, whether your little person is two or twenty-two.  Cuddle them or call them.

Because when your offspring finally accepts that Academy Award, the first human being s/he will thank is you!